Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Parenting Game

Being a parent is hard, whether you are single, a mom, a dad - it doesn't matter. As parents we are always selling ourselves short. This fact has lead me to create, the parenting game. Our days are full of miniature victories that we aren't always crediting ourselves for.

My game contains no opportunity for negative points, only positive ones; and everyone is a winner. For every item on the list you've done you only gain more points.

My "list" isn't perfect but there's only so much I can include before the list becomes incredibly tedious. Values are randomly assigned. It's for fun people.

Category/Item                                             Points

General Morning Stuff
Wake up                                                                                                                  10
There's no pee in your bed                                                                                     40
If there is pee - you aren't laying in it                                                                    30
If they pee'd during the night, you actually got up and put down a towel             35
Got dressed                                                                                                            50
Before 9AM                                                                                                           60
Before noon                                                                                                            50
This is the first time you've worn the clothes you put on
                                                                          (they aren't days old)                   100
All of your clothes were put on properly the first time
                                                                   (nothing backwards or inside out)     150


"Every day" stuff
Went to the bathroom                                                                                              50
By yourself                                                                                                              85
More than once                                                                                                      150
Took a nap                                                                                                              200
Took a shower                                                                                                        100
Without kids                                                                                                           150
With your significant other                                                                                     175
Brushed your teeth                                                                                                   60
Washed your face                                                                                                     60
Flossed                                                                                                                   200
Your hair makes some sort of actual "socially acceptable" sense                            70
Left the house                                                                                                         150
Alone                                                                                                                      200
If you didn't leave the house alone, everyone was properly buckled in                   50
Your childrens hair is done                                                                                       70
Your children still have hair                                                                                      85
Had a conversation that didn't involve your children
                                                                   (speaking to or about them)                   75
Got up in the middle of the night to handle any form of child drama                      60
Got up more than once                                                                                             70
Got up more than three times                                                                                  100
Your kids survived the day (scathed or unscathed)                                                 666
You survived                                                                                                          1000
Dropped children off someplace                                                                                50
Picked them up                                                                                                           60
On time                                                                                                                       65

Meals
Ate breakfast                                                                                                              50
It was still hot                                                                                                             60
It was luke warm                                                                                                        40
It was cold                                                                                                                  30
It was the last of your kids breakfast                                                                          25
Got to eat all of it by yourself                                                                                   100
It was leftover take out                                                                                              110
It was actual takeout                                                                                                  115

Ate lunch                                                                                                                     50
It was hot                                                                                                                     60
It was luke warm                                                                                                         40
It was cold                                                                                                                   30
It was the kids leftovers                                                                                               25
Got to eat all of it by yourself                                                                                    100
It was leftover take out                                                                                               110
It was actual takeout                                                                                                   115

Ate dinner                                                                                                                     50
It was hot                                                                                                                      60
It was luke warm                                                                                                           40
It was the kids leftovers                                                                                                 30
Got to eat all of it by yourself                                                                                        25
It was leftover take out                                                                                                 100
It was actual takeout                                                                                                     115





Your kids didn't ingest any non-food items                                                               50
They only ingested one non-food item                                                                      40
Fed your child one meal                                                                                            50
Fed your child two meals                                                                                           60
Fed your child three meals                                                                                         70
Fed them snacks                                                                                                         60
Kept their cups full                                                                                                     55
Cooked a meal                                                                                                            50
Cooked two meals                                                                                                      60
Cooked an excess of three meals                                                                                80

House And Home
Cleaned your house in excess of 30 minutes
                                                    (total time or consecutive minutes)                       30
Cleaned your house in excess of 60 minutes                                                            60
Said cleaning was related to some sort of child nastiness
                                                   (vomit, poop, next level colossal mess)                666
Did at least one of load of laundry to completion
                                                    (wash and dry - it can still be in the dryer)          250
Did all of the laundry                                                                                               600
Did half of the laundry                                                                                             125
Thought about doing some laundry                                                                            25
Moved clothing out of the dryer that's been there for an excess of 12 hours             25
Moved clothing that's been in there for an excess of 24 hours                                   30
Moved clothing that's been in there for an excess of 36 hours                                   35
Piled your laundry someplace in the house to put away                                             25
It's piled someplace your pets can't get to it                                                                30
It's piled someplace your kids can't get to it                                                                30
Nothing got to it                                                                                                           55
Put away piled up laundry                                                                                          100
Some of which is actually folded                                                                               150
Cleaned up a mess your child made immediately after your discovery of it             200



Work And Random Things
Wrote a blog post                                                                                                         50
Actually posted it                                                                                                         60
Were only interrupted once                                                                                          65
Were only interrupted twice                                                                                         50
Didn't yell when you were interrupted                                                                         65
Went to work                                                                                                                90
Came home from work                                                                                               150
Didn't hide in your car before coming in                                                                    200
Didn't take longer to come home to hide out                                                              200
Picked something up for your family on the way home                                               50
Got a workout                                                                                                             250


Congratulations parent. Pat yourself on the back and we'll see you for the next round first thing in the morning - or whenever your kids wake up.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Today Is We Are Not Alone Day


On this day in 1924, Edwin Hubble told people that other galaxies exist. Effectively scaring the crap out of everyone.